Doubting yourself and suffering from ‘imposter syndrome’

I have suffered with anxiety now for about 3 years and when I first received that ‘diagnosis’ I did feel a bit all over the place. In hindsight I can now see that the relationship with my inner self was broken. I couldn’t predict how I would feel or react and I also felt like I was always on edge and found it really difficult to relax. Luckily, I have come a long way since that time and I can definitely notice how the growth I have achieved has helped to repair the relationship I have with myself. But as we all know; mental health issues are an ongoing battle. There is no quick fix and poof it goes away like a virus. So, one of the main issues I have been suffering with more recently is feeling inadequate to achieve my goals. Now this is not something that is just limited to people with anxiety. There are so many reasons that can cause you to doubt yourself. Changing careers, becoming a parent, taking a risk…

I came across the term imposter syndrome during a lecture at my university. To cut a long story short it means that an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. As I’ve grown older and progressed through my career, I’ve become aware that this is a problem that has plagued me every day. I’d reached a point where I had to admit to myself that I was actually quite scared of manifesting my goals. One of those goals is getting a degree. And as my time at university has passed I find myself second guessing my ability to perform in an academic setting. Despite the fact that my grades have been consistent and I’m doing well. I decided to speak to an academic at my university about how I was feeling, to which she replied ‘ it’s quite a common problem that a lot of women suffer from, especially BAME women’

I went away from that conversation thinking why do us women feel the need to self criticise and constantly compare ourselves to others. Through this turning point I realised that I need to start being my own fan and reassure myself that I am capable of handling the next stages of adulthood😂 As I’m quite a visual person I thought that I could starting putting up some motivational quotes on my walls to be a constant visual reminder to stay focused mentally. It’s very easy to think of a plan whether it be big or small, or evening approaching a meeting, work event. To get caught up in the mindset of ‘will these people like me? can I actually pull this of? What if it goes completely wrong? You have to try and get out of that mindset and push through.

So I will now be focusing on being my own biggest fan to build my confidence up. A lot of the time we focus so much on external relationships and situations and end up pushing ourselves to the background. It’s about convincing yourself that you are capable to achieving these goals or making changes in your life.

Saying that, clearly I have not mastered this skill yet myself so it’s a learning curve for us all.

What would you suggest to help minimise imposter syndrome, comment below!



20 things every 20 something should know!

I turned 27 in April and I’ll be honest, it was not a comfortable feeling. So many thoughts we’re rushing through my mind such as, have a worked hard enough? Am I where I want to be at this age? How much more do I need to do before I’m 30? I was anxious around the time of my birthday. It’s really difficult to not compare yourself to others and to be critical on your own progress. I always said to my teachers at school that I would own my own house at the age of 25😂😂😂I laugh inside at the thought of it. Could I have reached that goal? Of course I could have. But the problem was that I didn’t have adequate knowledge about how to even go about getting a house that the goal slipped by me. Here I am 2 years after that deadline paying £635 a month in rent lol. How life has a funny way of making you question yourself.

So I’ve made a list of 20 things to keep in mind during your twenties. This list has been created to help you stay on track at all times whilst staying grounded.

  1. Your twenties is a good time to build strong financial foundations
  2. Every job move you make you should aim to increase your salary by 3-5000
  3. Re training yourself and unlearning bad behaviours at this age will increase your potential
  4. Holidays are essential to your overall wellbeing and world knowledge
  5. A good group of friends can make the difference between loneliness and secure attachments
  6. Sex during this period will get better, you will expand your experiences
  7. Your weight may change drastically over this period. But that’s okay, your finding what fits you.
  8. Experiences, experiences, experiences….. your at the stage now that you are earning your own money. Use it to start a new hobby or activity
  9. Make smart financial decisions, create a rule for spending. And spend wisely…. balenciagas on a 21,000 salary may be living above your means
  10. Give your friendships space to grow. Your friendships will go through changes, people work to different schedules etc. Try not to judge your friends for changing, roll with it. Grow together
  11. Don’t be afraid to ask for promotions and pay rises. Yes you can do this at work. Evaluate your work rate and set the goal for your progression
  12. Don’t label yourself… some of your friends may secure an amazing job or may have just gotten married. Don’t judge yourself by other people’s timeline. What is meant for you will happen on your own timeline. Learn to trust the process
  13. Ageing…. for us ladies… the belly and waist is not going to be as snatched as it was at the age of 19…. maintainence will be required lol (damn do I miss my 19yr old body)
  14. Don’t limit yourself… age is just a number. It doesn’t matter if your 21 or 27. Take of those caps that you have on goals. The sky is the limit.
  15. Balance… adulting is stressful and these are the years to find balance within yourself…. find what works for you and use it to manage your stress
  16. Defining your character…. who are you really… what do you want and what do you stand for. Let’s those questions sit with you for a while
  17. Be your own biggest fan… your twenties is a time that it’s okay to be a bit selfish and put your dreams first. Promote yourself and go hard for what you want.
  18. Relationships come and go…. learn to be comfortable by yourself because people do come in and out of your life and you may go through many friendships at this stage
  19. Dating is a minefield…. tinder dates and hook ups have really changed the dating game. Get your hard hat on and protect your space… the journey can get rough
  20. Love yourself unapologetically…. yes you will make mistakes, we all will. Don’t allow that to build up to self-loathing. When you  f**k up, evaluate the situation and learn from it. Even a bad situation is another opportunity to learn more about yourself and grow. Remember we never take an L